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2001-11-19 - 3:37 p.m. -
not feeling very talkative today.
I want a nap
I want my knee to stop hurting
I want to feel like not everything I do is wrong
I want a day of quiet
I want to paint again
I want to feel useful
I want it to be warm I want to remember who I was once. -------------- --------------- ------------------ R.A.M. upgrade grainy scrapbook photo
he is 10, smiling
first guitar resting large in his hands
images of youth
promises frozen in time
and here comes another damn nostalgia poem i can�t help myself
there is something oddly comforting
about dredging up the past
picking at mental scabs
�if you don�t stop picking at it
it will never heal� well, i know that it will heal
but picking at it will make it scar
leave a white line reminder
lest we forget that we were hurt
�if we had it to do over again��
we would make the same mistakes
�if we had it to do over again��
we would screw up something else
�if we had it to do over again��
is easy to say because we know we can�t
and it requires no real action
but this is a nostalgia poem
and I should be telling you
about Brian killing himself at 18
Nancy beaten to death at 24
Crunch dead in the bathroom
and D.H. just disappearing i should be telling you all about
their tragic deaths
ODs and suicides
beatings and mysteries
lives ending before they can start
because we remember the martyrs to memory
and there is no room in this poem
for the mundane the tortured musician shooting himself
is so much cooler
than the average student
who went on to lead the average life
died in a common way
and not even the Goddess of Possibility
will send flowers the Muse yawns
scans the city skyline
watches a plain fly overhead
and prepares the collection plate we revel in nostalgia
because we fear passing unnoticed but we�re coming up on the end of the poem
where i reflect upon life�s lessons
and pull at the heartstrings of regret but the truth is
we all have a story to tell
it�s just some of us have no one who will listen the truth is
we will live unremarkable lives
find one moment of importance to relive
when the world gets cold and lonely
pass quietly into someone else�s memory
and that will be that no great elegies
no monuments
just a funeral bill
and a perpetual care agreement
with the cemetery there is no passion plea
no sympathy
just the reality of the situation
and more often than not
that is tragedy enough. �2001 ------------------- -------------------------- ----------- Today�s Stats
Coffee Count: 4 mugs
Cigarettes: 7
Candy: none
Now Playing: none i'll try to be less pissy tomorow.
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