i�m hooked on these damn things�
(but then again they have been on the mark lately� & that scares me) 
What box do you get put in?
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long weekend/ week with way too many ups & downs. i�ll skip the details & cut right to the chase�
went to go see Sleater-Kinney at the Roxy on monday & they kicked much ass. one of the best shows i�ve been to. had a great time. woke up tuesday with some bad news & a migraine like i have not had in years. that �who parked the truck on my skull� kind of pain. ended up having to take the day off from work & slept in fits & starts until 2:30 in the afternoon. it was sundown before i started to feel better. up late last night painting while my wife was at band practice. dragging today. oddball weekend coming up. wondering when things will level off (or if they even will).
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i�m back hosting the sunday night reading again. knew the change was coming but did not think it would happen so quickly. its not a bad thing, just need to get myself back into the swing of things. don�t know how long i�ll keep hosting. i know that i don�t want to do it for another 10 years. see what happens over the next few months.
in a lot of ways i feel like my time has passed & it is time for the next group to step up. i feel like the sea changes will happen & i can adjust to them or get slowly worn away. i know i�m not happy in a lot of ways right now & most of it has to do with not knowing where i belong. i�m wondering what the next challenge is.
see, 12 years ago i started a reading because there was no reading in the area. i spent a lot of time & effort trying to get it to grow & flourish. it did� it became more than i could have hoped for & in the process it brought me to a place in my life i never expected. but that challenge is done & now i need something new to conquer. i have taken up painting again & am enjoying it� but it is not the �thing� that i am searching for.
i�m wondering if perhaps i missed what i was looking for & i need to wait for it to come back around again. or maybe this is it. perhaps i�ve done what i needed to do & now i just coast for the next 40 years. i hate to think that i should just get on with getting� on & let the world pass me by. maybe it is my time to be in the background & provide a stable foundation for others to build off of� perhaps my job now is simply to get out of the way & let others find their place.
i have patience, but it is wearing thin & i�m getting frustrated watching everyone else do wonderful things while i search for where i fit. i�m beginning to feel like a floppy disk in a CDROM world; something that was cutting edge 15 years ago but is now obsolete.
ok, now i�m just being pissy. i�ll stop before i bitch anymore. don�t mind me, i�m sure this will all look differently tomorrow. sometimes i just need to vent. (& hey, isn�t that what a diary is for?)
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Today�s Stats
Coffee Count: 2 mugs
Cigarettes: 5
Candy: some lemon Altoids
Now Playing: Gregorian Chants
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�Mall walking. How Perfect! Staying fit without having to take your eyes off the merchandise that got you out of shape in the first place.�
-George Carlin
