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2003-01-17 - 11:14 a.m. -

(NOTE: this entry may not make any sense. sorry)
stray thoughts in my head

the death of John Lennon was announced on Monday Night Football by none other than Howard Cosell. he interrupted the Pats/Miami game to talk about the shooting. a slight quiver in his voice, he talked of �putting things in perspective�. that it did.

i was a freshman in high school when Lennon was killed. i was just getting interested in music on my own terms (instead of just listening to what my friends or parents were listening to). i had �discovered� the Beatles & was making short work of listening to as much of it as i could lay my hands on. interested in how things evolve, i had started with the early songs & was working my way through. at the same time, i was collecting the solo projects to see who added what to the sound. (i still have Ringo Star on 8 track) Double Fantasy� had just come out & i was enjoying what i was hearing. the death of Lennon felt like the loss of something i did not even know i had until it was too late.

Don�t it always seem to go
that you don�t know what you�ve got till� it�s gone

the next few years were a dive head first into music. by the start of my junior year i had plowed through the 60s & 70s & was laying my hands on anything i could find that was different, than tracing it back to it�s roots. Ace of Spades shared space with Kill the Poor on a mix tape. Iggy, Iron Butterfly, Zeppelin & Aerosmith danced with The Clash & Black Flag. Rush met DEVO & Twisted Sister met the Sex Pistols. there was a hunger for all of the music i could not find on the regular radio stations. late night shows on WICN turned me onto theThe, Joy Division, Gary Newman, the Smiths, Flipper, Husker Du, X, Bad Brains, Minor Threat, & so many more. those days set the stage for who i am now. that music taught me to think differently & to open my mouth, regardless of what others think. the DIY mentality was set in stone in my mind during that period. i became my own person.

but the death of Lennon set that all in motion. the discovery of music developed an urgency. i needed to hear what i could now, because it might not be there tomorrow. they could not silence the music, but they could kill the man. the day Lennon died was the end of innocence in so many ways for me. it was my first big step to becoming an adult. my first big step to becoming an individual.

all of this came back to me last night. watching TV & they showed that Monday Night Football broadcast. they showed the people in new york holding candles & holding each other. images form 20+ years ago flashed across my screen & reminded me of how i felt back then.

& for the first time in a long time i sat & cried.

there is a power & urgency to all that we do in this world. for each of us, that urgency comes from a very personal place. when we loose sight of the big picture we need to go back to that place & remind ourselves why we do what we do. may we never forget how to get to that place.
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today is the day!!
get in your damn car & come on down�