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so, i managed to dodge the migraine bullet yesterday. got into bed just as it was starting & avoided most of it. sometimes i just get lucky. spent most of last night painting & writing. got some things down that i needed to & tried to find some mental peace. still on edge, but doing slightly better than yesterday. still, i know that there are things i need to handle that i just can�t avoid, but i just can�t seem to muster the energy to deal with. this must be how the beach feels when the storm rolls in. the man across the street from me had a stroke this morning. ran into him when i went outside for a smoke & he was trying to find some help. he had spent all morning trying to get downstairs from his apartment & out to where someone would see him. the man who lives next door to him was outside at the same time as me, but simply went on with what he was doing & ignored what was happening. i still don�t understand that. how can you ignore someone who is right in front of you & in serous trouble? how can anyone be so heartless? i was (& still am) stunned. finally got the man off to the hospital, but i�m not sure how he�ll do. he is a nurse & knew exactly what was going on. he also knows what his chances are & did not seem optimistic. mindset is 9/10ths of physical healing & i wonder if he is going to fight or give up. then again, he dragged his ass down 2 flights of stairs & out to the street, so he must have a fight in him still. trying to clear up the backlog from the past few weeks at work. so much has piled up & there seems to be more every day. starting to get a handle on things, but still not close to being under control. feels like my whole life is like that right now. there are days when it is very hard not to just drop it all & wander away. go to a place where no one knows me & start over. there are days when it is very hard to put one foot in front of the other. off night tonight. thinking of just going for a long drive, playing some music very loudly & taking the brain off the hook for the night. perhaps all i need is just some open road & a song i can scream to. perhaps all i need to do is just relax & be me for a night. more tomorrow. be well. |
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