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strange day. Katharine Hepburn died & the world has a lot less class because of it. strange day. my son�s first day at summer day care & he had a meltdown. drove away feeling like the worst parent in the world. i know he is doing well now & is having a good time, but that look in his eyes still leaves me feeling very small. strange day. should have been sitting in a conference all day. spent the day moving & dusting armors. ran my ass off & i still have a ton of things to do before i leave today that i know just won�t get done. strange day. the fire fighters just fixed the flagpole. they took it as a challenge & set up the truck jack right next to my car. the jack is larger than the car i drive. strange day. a salmon day: when you spend the whole day swimming upstream only to get fucked in the end. strange day. looking forward to sitting at home tonight with my canvas & my coffee & a million stars overhead waiting for me to paint their portraits. i am not in a bad mood or a good mood. like Pooh, i just am. all i want is a dark sky, a bright star, & a quiet place to cry. i�m not sad per se, i just need that release right now. need to be six again� if only for a short while. when i was six it was ok to cry just because i was feeling down. men don�t cry. that is what the world tells us. you are weak & unmanly if you cry. i wonder if this is why i feel so bad when my son cries. i wonder if that makes me weak or a man. strange day. i don�t know why i�m so scattered today. i�m not going to try to figure it out. i�m just going to accept it & move on. let the paint speak for me & try not to dream when i sleep tonight. hope tomorrow is not such a strange day. may you all have a good night. please believe. more later. (& yes, we missed you last night.) |
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