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lets go back a few years to the late 80s� lets take 3,000 people in different stages in their respective recovery programs & stick them in the woods camping for four days. we�ll throw in lots of live music & tons of potential for both disasters & life changing interactions. it�ll be great! yeah, that was it in a nutshell & it lived up to it. (at least for me it did.) every year found me back at the festival doing something� running the coffeehouse, building the stage, booking the music, running a workshop, dumping the trash. i would come home from the weekend completely exhausted, very smelly, sore all over� & feeling reborn. for four days that campground was turned into an island unto itself� the land of the 12 steppers. there was no pretense, we knew that we were all fucked up in one way or another & that was very liberating. there was no reason to pretend to be anyone except yourself because everyone was as messed up as you were or worse. forget hiding your scars, we were all scared & screwed up & had issues like you read about & no one gave a shit. the trouble is that almost no one i knew felt the same way as i did about it. as i got more & more involved in the planning & running of it i found myself torn in two directions� part of me found it very frustrating. the meetings, the arguments, the work, the �screwed up people trying to pull off something that is not as screwed up as they are�, the effort & sheer will that it took to do it every year. but, for all the crap, for all the headaches & stress, there is the other part� the act of pulling it off. to look out from the stage & see 3,000+ people having a wonderful time, to see a chunk of land transformed into a healing space, to know that peoples lives are being changed for the better just from being in that space & that you helped make it happen. there is something there that cannot be replicated any other way. there are literally hundreds upon hundreds of people who found sobriety during one of those weekends. there are countless people who found closure or peace or happiness by being there. i saw miracles happen there. i felt blessed to be a small part of it. i felt closer to God during those weekends than in just about any other point in my life. ah, but time marches on & things change. the last year i worked the festival i had a run-in with another worker that ruined the whole weekend for me. i left feeling defeated� like something fragile & precious had been shattered. i returned very briefly the next year but it was not the same. i had lost something special & it was not going to come back no matter how much i wished it would. they are at the same campground right now. the entertainment is wrapping up for the evening & the campfires are just getting going. the midnight meetings are starting & the coffee is hot & strong. part of me needs to be there right now. part of me just needs to know. God, i could use a miracle right now. |
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