friday. start to another weekend. please let this be better than the last one.
going to see the V Fems tonight in boston. getting a free pass for the show (but have to be there by 6pm.) not looking forward to driving in boston at rush hour. can�t say that i�m hyped about the show in general. i�m glad to be going & getting the VIP treatment, but just not feeling very excited. i�m sure the show will be fun & i�ll have a good time, but part of me just wants to hide out at the house tonight.
this is all part of the larger picture of where i am right now. i can feel myself withdrawing from the world. part of this is the pure reality of not having time to get out that often. part of it is, when i do have time to get out, there is nowhere i really feel comfortable or at home. feeling like the whole world moved on & left me behind.
i miss human contact. long talks over cups of coffee, a gentle touch, real hugs, connections beyond the surface, smiles, laughter� God i miss laughter.
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old memory�
i�m 5 or 6 years old. it is early evening as the sun goes down. late spring or early summer. warm but not hot. light breeze from the window. i can see the sun dipping behind the trees in my parent�s back yard. i am curled up in bed, in that space between awake & asleep.
i realize that i am safe & loved. not as a conscious thought, but as a full body feeling. the world is a safe & warm space where i am loved & wanted. i drift off to dreamless sleep as the sun disappears.
many years later�
realizing that i will never feel that way again no matter what i do.
this is where i am right now.
i�m sorry.
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may you all have a safe & wonderful weekend. be good to each other, ok?
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Today�s Stats
Coffee Count: 3 mugs
Cigarettes: 7
Candy: some Life Savers
Now Playing: Clogs �thom�s night out�
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�Character is not made in a crisis � it is only exhibited.
-Robert Freeman
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and on the lighter side...
Your Sex Position is Upside Down 69
Daring. Dangerous. And oh so tasty.You go crazy when you go south -
And you love getting it in the mouth.
What's Your Sex Position?
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