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2003-01-13 - 2:01 p.m. -

monday & i wish i were sleeping right now.

an uneventful weekend for the most part. spent most of it painting & cleaning. laying low & resting the bones. this week looks to be another quiet one. can�t say as i would mind that too much. not feeling very sociable right now. not a bad mood per se, just not a great mood for being around a lot of people. one-on-one i�m fine, more than that & i start to twitch. has a lot to do with the cold weather & with things being very busy in my life. just not feeling very chipper right now.

Everything is going off
Everything is going as planned, yeah
Everything�s along
Everything is fine, fine, fine,

Well I could be condemned to hell
for every sin but littering
Well, I could slip on the East River
And pass into Queens all skittering

I�ve see the cops and the robbers
And know they dance the same
Well, I�ve seen a half a zillion girls
and haven�t spoken to a single one of them.
-Soul Coughing

strange night last night.
felt like i could not find my stage legs. screwed up some introductions, kept tripping over my tongue, loosing my train of thought. ended up being a good slam with a packed house, but just left me feeling off.

i miss late night talks over coffee, miss the one-on-one interaction, miss sharing stories & scars with another tired soul. miss being just another putz in the audience sometimes. i like what i do, but there are times when the grass really is greener. times i just want to blend into the walls & watch the world spin by.

this is the contradiction of my life� i like being the ringleader, but i miss being up in the bleachers. i like being surrounded by people, but end up feeling very alone when i am. its a big cosmic joke & i�m the only one not laughing.

sorry, my head is taking a nasty turn & i should probably just step away from the keyboard for the day. lets see what tomorrow brings.
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