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my head is a jumble of stuff today & i can�t get a handle on any of it. random thoughts keep darting across my consciousness like speeding cars on the highway. i keep bouncing between joyful calm, blind panic & gut-dropping loneliness with no real reason for any of it. i don�t know why these moods show up like this. it feels like getting mugged in a cornfield. i wonder if i�m picking up on something that i just can�t see yet. wonder if this is what a deer feels like just before the puma lunges. that silent moment before it becomes fight-or-flight & a million years of evolution reduce to a split-second of possibility. wonder if this is what Adam tastes just before biting the apple; that taste of new growth & ozone, the sky just before the lighting strikes. i can�t put any of this together today. more later.
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