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ok, start by going to this site. i�ll wait� yeah, tell me about it. you should check out the whole site when you get a chance. i have loved what they have been doing since they started. (i know one of the original members & no, i won�t tell you who it is. that defeats the whole purpose.) so, tony's diary got me thinking about when i used to sing. (i was in the all-new England high school chorus too, tony.) i can�t sing worth a damn anymore & for many of the same reasons tony has. i smoked a lot for the past 20+ years, abused my voice in a punk band, drank too much of everything, & generally did not take care of my voice. for the most part this does not upset me too much� i never wanted to be a singer, just did it for fun. but there are times when i really want to sing something & i can�t � & i get that feeling of regret knowing that i did something that i can�t undo. there are a lot of things we do in life that we can�t undo. running across one of them gives me pause, makes me wonder what else i�ve done that i�ll wish i could undo later. all part of being an imperfect human i guess. the trying to quit smoking is going much better than i thought it would. i had 5 cigarettes yesterday &, for the most part, was not craving them as much as i thought i would. went to the hut last night & was expecting the smoke to crank up my cravings, but it didn�t. i�m not expecting this to be a cakewalk, i set me expectations very low for this. but so far i�m doing ok with it. (eating candy like crazy, but its not like i�m going to ruin my teeth.) we�ll see how well i do once i give them up all together. i�ve been pushing back my first cigarette of the day by half an hour each day. had my first one at noon today. hoping that by mother�s day i�ll be down to 1 or 2 a day, if not stopped all together. just taking it slow & easy. don�t want to have to do this twice. on baby duty tonight. thinking of getting the paints out & diving back in again. been almost a month since i did any painting & i�m getting eager to start again. curious to see how the meds will effect how i paint. (God, i feel like a lab rat sometimes.) still dealing with the Drama & i�m wondering when it will all come to a head again. ya know, i like to think i�m a fairly patent person most of the time, but i�m getting to the point where, if this doesn�t work itself out soon, i�m going to settle it with the help of a 32 ounce ball peen hammer & a large sack. i think the meds are the only reason i�m not taking names & kicking ass already. kinda funny� my taking meds is helping to keep someone else healthy. then again, i only have one refill left. more later. |
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