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a biker friend of mine tells the story of how he went to a weeklong bike rally & ended up not coming home for seven months. standing at the doorway of his girlfriend�s house, he is truly perplexed as to why she is angry with him for this. �things happen�, he says, �one thing lead to another & hear i am.� i find this at times to be a very valid metaphor for my life. headed to the store in November to grab some smokes & now its half past june & i�m standing in the doorway wondering where the time went to. reality does not have the patience for this shit & i�m sent packing, a pocket watch broken at my feet, 100 possibilities sacrificed to her anger. i left for work on friday expecting the hours to dribble by like a forgotten brook, only to look up & realize that it is now wednesday & my moments have become hours in the beat of a heart. time has become nothing more than disappearing ink on the pages of my life. i sat down to write this at 8am. it is now 11am & i have no idea where the past three hours have gone. in many ways, quite a lot has happened in the past few days, but i find it hard to put my finger on just what has gone on. the images are passing too quickly to fully comprehend their significance. i am left with echoes of memory & the empty feeling that i missed something important. the end result is that i end up thinking that i am unnecessary in my own existence, but don�t know where i should go next. i want my time back. i want to wake up tomorrow & be six again, curled in my bed, watching the sunrise outside my window. i want to be able to trace my steps, map the distances i have traveled, find significance in the footfalls. i want i history that is real, not misinterpreted remembrances. i want to know that i exist in more than a transient way. does any of this make sense? is this something understandable, or have i finally disconnected from the world around me & this will be seen as nothing more than the death throws of my logic? tap tap tap� �is this thing on? |
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