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NOTE: tonight�s post is just me pissing & moaning. feel free to skip it. long day & i�m feeling like i�m running with two left feet. big screw-up this afternoon & i ended up being late for everything. (no, no details� i�ll just leave it at that.) trying to catch-up & not getting anywhere. the day has slipped right through my hands & now it is closing in on midnight & i�m left feeling like i blew it. i hate days like this & it feels like i�ve had more than my share of them the past few weeks. just can�t seem to get a good groove going & every time i think i�m finally on the right track something goes haywire & it all falls apart again. there are days when i feel cursed or at least incompetent. the pisser of all of this is the day started out great. i felt on the mark, things going well, busy but getting somewhere, feeling on top of my game� then it all falls apart & i�m back in the emotional crapper again. i�m very soul tired & i don�t know what to do about it. right now, all i�m looking at is the trip to nationals. i�m hoping that it will serve as a kind of reset button for my psyche & help me get back on track. i must be the only person who looks at an 18-hour drive from worcester to chicago with nine other people as relaxing, but that is how i see it. i think i need that cathartic drive to cleanse me. need to just drive & let the rest stops & highway signs wash over me. there is something about driving late at night that brings a calm to me unlike any other i have ever known. it is a deep-in-the-soul calm that reminds me of who i am. i need that calm right now. i need to sit behind the wheel & watch the stars dance overhead. i need the peace. ok, enough bitching for one night. be well. |
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