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rough day but a good night. hard dreams last night & a wobbly start to the morning. phones went down at work & a headache that was doing it�s best to become a migraine. left early & came home to take some meds & a nap. dream of pain. pulsing in my head keeping me turning & thinking of ugly things happening. my car keeps crashing through the guardrail & falling off the bridge. i can feel the impact, steering wheel shattering my teeth over & over again. wake with a start & stumble to the sink to soak my head. every time my heart beats i can feel it in my skull. fall back into bed & pray for relief or death. dream of water. floating just below the surface & taste of salt on my lips. i know the headache is going away & i can feel the pain receding. i can hear a seagull overhead & i rise to the surface. late afternoon spent feeling better but very much off my pace. the �calmer & happier� shell shows some major cracks & i can feel all my bad parts starting to spill out. do what i can to hold myself together & end up doing a piss-poor job of it. curse myself for being an asshole. take the long way to a meeting & do my best to downshift my mind. productive meeting. relax after with too much coffee & mindless talk. run some late-night errands & head home. the house is quiet & calm, like wrapping myself in an old sweater on a cool spring day. i am grateful for things like this. tomorrow is a new day. hope you all have a good day. be well. |
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