Well, there's things that never will be right I know,
And things need changin' everywhere you go,
But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
You'll never see me wear a suit of white.
Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything's OK,
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.
-Johnny Cash
there was so much i wanted to talk about & it has all slipped from my head. ain�t that the way it goes, hun? ya think you have a handle on something & then poof it disappears.
feeling very grubby right now. been home for seven hours & i have yet to take a shower or shave or change my clothes. finding it hard to shake off the day & even harder to motivate my body to try. i wanted to unwind tonight but i think i just kinda fell apart instead. feeling the need for a mental tow truck to haul me to the shop.
i think today was just a sucky friday for many people. some days are like that, i think. the energy gets all wingled for some reason & everyone�s shit just falls apart. i don�t know why it is, just feels like that. there is some comfort knowing that you are not the only one who just had a salmon day. makes me wish i still drank, just do i could hang out at the corner bar & bitch with the regulars. (on days like this a coffeehouse is just not the same.)
spent most of today fixing the fuck-ups of someone who was �helping me�. some background for you� i am starting the exhibit change over at work. this is stress time when the deadlines hang heavy & there is never enough time to get anything done, but you need to get it done on time anyway. every hour of every day for the next month is plotted out� things like knowing when you can put the plaster on the walls & how long it will take to dry so you can prep mounts while it is drying & then start sanding while the mounts dry & how long the first coat of paint takes to dry & how many other walls you can get done before you can go back & recoat that first wall. no, i�m not kidding� this is how my mind works at work. i have been doing exhibits in this gallery long enough to know that, if i paint the wall panels in a clockwise rotation, i can start the second coat on the first case as soon as i have finished the first coat on the last case.
now, i have a new boss who is wonderful & very well meaning� but the road to hell is paved with good intentions� & interns. see, we have an intern in the department & she thought it would be a good idea to have him help us paint. does he know what he is doing? �oh yes� i am told. so i set him up to paint the walls just outside the gallery doors. the walls need to be primed before i can repaint them in the new exhibit colors &, with a big event at the museum tomorrow, i had him paint it out in the base wall color so it would look good for the event. this would save me almost three hours work down the line & i could catch up on some of the backlog. this is great.
then i saw what it looked like.
now, i�ve been painting & repainting the walls for over 13 years. i could do it with my eyes closed, so i don�t expect anyone to do as well or work as quickly as i do, but� sweet Lord� i can�t even start to tell you how poorly it was done. no paint where there should be paint, paint where there shouldn�t be paint, streaks & spots & places where i don�t know what happened but i think Ray Charles helped & half of it had not even been done yet.
i think that was my only saving grace.
what should have saved me three hours cost me the afternoon to fix. my boss kept apologizing & helped me clean all the paint off the floor. (it was a two-person job to do that.) i�m still behind, but now i�ve got extra work to do. (& i�m flustered on top of it)
all of this on top of having most of my creative choices concerning exhibit design & layout taken away has just about sucked all of my enthusiasm right out of me. there are days when i think i took a wrong turn somewhere & ended up on a different path than the one i should be on.
today was one of those days.
days like today are when the �what if� monster rears its ugly head & i start to question all of my choices. but it is an exercise in futility. the past is just that & no matter what i think there is no changing it. there are no retakes. once it is done, it is done & the most anyone can do is try to control where you are going.
Master of my Destiny�
�oh shit.
i am hoping that tomorrow will be a better day than today. going to a house warming in the afternoon & i�m hoping that an afternoon of relaxing & hanging out with friends will help me chill out a bit. just looking for a day where the biggest decision i have to make is if i want cheese on my burger or not. lets hope tomorrow is that day.
hope all of you have a good & relaxing weekend.
more on monday (if not earlier)
be well.
thanks to agitated for this one.
Which little Manson tot are you?
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